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Monday, June 9, 2008

Terrorize Pakistan Year 2008

A recent report by the Pakistan Tourism Ministry has announced that the "Visit Pakistan Year 2007" project was a huge and resounding... failure.

The project was launched by former tourism minister Nilofer Bakhtiar. She became infamous during her campaign after pictures of her hugging her parachuting instructor, who was after all a farangi, led to her being awarded an instant fatwa for Mullah Radio.



The endeavor, which was lavishly spent upon, even had the blessings and whole hearted support of both former General President Pervez Musharraf, as well as former Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz a.k.a. I-flirted-with-Condi-Rice-and-all-I-have-to-show-for-it-is-this-lousy-feeling-of-rejection.

In true Pakistani spirit, Visit Pakistan 2007 outdid itself by attracting fewer tourists than the year before. Suffice to say, the project failed to meet its mark of attracting one million tourists by the end of the year.

But let's be fair.

2007 was definitely not what you may call a marquee year for Pakistan. Whose idea was it to put Newsweek in charge of the publicity?


The jewel in the PTDC's crown, Swat, was masquerading as Little Kandahar for most of the year.

And the efficacy of Pakistan's suicide bombings was leaving Al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia greener than Baghdad's Green Zone.

But as the old Chinese proverb goes, when the winds of Change blow some build shelters, and others build windmills.

So why doesn't Pakistan begin to promote terror-tourism?

It makes perfect sense. With over a billion Muslims worldwide, even if we assume that 10% comprise of the lunatic fringe, that's 100 million marauding mullahs just waiting for a destination to plan their next jihad for.

Our carefully crafted infrastructure in FATA is replete with state of the art facilities, and a derogatory colonial moniker strives to ensure that the vengeful fundo within you remains alive and burning

Allow our specially designated kaffir cleaning crew to indoctrinate you with the latest propaganda from Messers Osama and Co. The extensive ISI training afforded to all our "vacation facilitators" ensures that you are brainwashed to become the most mindless of murderous molvis.


Your stay would be within the most luxuriate stone age settings, complete with panoramic views of ISAF positions across the border, none of them more than a stinger's range away.


And what of those of the academic bent? Has it not been said that Pakistan now hosts a veritable Ivy League of Madarssas within its confused borders?

Prospective students can apply to a range of world class terrorism training facilities, under the tutelage of the planet's finest merchants of death.

CIA Global Report 2007 ranked Pakistan as the world's no.1 sanctuary for delusional nihilist Islamofascists, and they're all ready to provide you with the training YOU need to annihilate kuffars everywhere.

Our alumni have caused widespread death, destruction and chaos across the world, ranging from grandstand events such as the London and Madrid bombings, to small eclectic affairs like Russian Army ambushes in Chechnya and ultra-violent separatist movements in the Philippines.

Plus if you are awarded one of the annual Wahabi Halfbright Scholarships, our urban centers provide the perfect location to vent your years of sexual frustration upon our half-price malls, poorly protected Nordic embassies, oversized political rallies and of course, Chinese whore houses masquerading as massage parlors.

And if you wish to aim for the very top, perhaps its prudent to remember that no self-respecting jihadi megalomanic has climbed to the top without a visit to what we proudly refer to as the "Oxbridge" of Jihadist academia - the stately Binoria Masjid in Karachi, and of course, the world famous Lal Masjid in the Federal Capital.



So come on, what are you waiting for? Join in on all the fun and festivities in "Terrorize Pakistan Year 2008"

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