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Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label culture. Show all posts

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lovely, Awais Lovely

If you head over to Dawn right now, you can feast on what must be my finest hour as a blogger - an interview with the man himself, Awais Lovely.

But before I am drowned in a crescendo of "FAKE" shouts, let me cover my ass. this link below is a mp3 file of the entire interview, but before you click play, some disclaimers.
  1. the recording quality is terribly shit. my voice is super loud, his isn't. i've tried and made some changes but there you go.
  2. there's also a lot of disturbance because i was recording this outside. don't ask why.
  3. the recording was made on my phone, which for some reason records calls in 2.30 minute chunks. so every time i would start a new file, i would lose the conversation in between.
  4. it would probably help to read the transcription i've attached below along with the audio, to keep making sense of everything.




Lovely. Awais Lovely.

A=Awais , K=KarachiKhatmal
Meh= ‘in’ Mei=I/me/myself
Voice-0003
K: What makes Mr. Awais lovely?
A: Well, I’ll tell you something that since a long time ago I meet, guys and people are telling me that ‘Awais you are really different and you seems to be a very, very romantic guy so you can do something special in the world yeah’ so I’ve been feeling as well right? So that’s why I started making videos to introduce me like I am a lovely guy you know…And I’ve been so romantic with the girls as well, people telling me in my school in my college as well.
K: So whom do you want to introduce Awais Lovely to?
A: To the world…
K: Puri dunya mei hurr bunda jo hei woh Awais Lovely…They should get to know? But why?
A: Is liey keh mei apnay aap koh aik different larkay ki tarhaan, aik romantic aur achay larkay ki tarhaan introduce karvaana chahta huun. Mei iss liey – uss mei basically sub seh bari baat yeh hai keh mei apnay Pakistan koh – kyun keh I’ve been a lot of countries and I’ve been watching that keh logh jo hein naa woh Pakistan koh aik buri nazr seh daikhtay thay aur Pakistaniyoun koh aur mujhay buhat buraa lugtaa tha…Toh mei neh unko yeh batana chaaha keh hum logh bhee ‘lovely’ ho saktay hein, hum logoun mei bhee pyaar hai, hum logh bhee kisi aur ki izzat kar saktay hein, hum logh bhee romantic hein, humaray paas bhee dil hai, aur hum buhat polite hein. Aur hamaray mei bhee aisi cheezain hein. Iss liey yeh karnay keh liey mei neh apna nick AwaisLovely rakhaa.
K: In ‘romance’ what are the most important things? Three sub seh zyaada important things kya hein ‘romance’ mei?
A: ‘Romance’ mei meray khayaal mei sub seh important thing woh yeh hai keh…meray liey keh aap…How do you treat a girl? If you are really committed/corporative to her, she should understand that that is the guy I really wanted, keh yehi larka hai jo mujhay chaheay tha aur yehi larka who can make me better so ‘romantic’ honay ka mutlub sirf yeh nahi hei: to flirt (with) a girl…right? To give her a protect(ion) to give her a care of being a romantic guy you know? Yeh mei samajhtaa huun keh aap uss ki aankhoun mei aankhain daalein aur who samajhay keh yehi hai mera sacha, mera dost, mera saathi bun sukta hai
Voice-0004
K: Jin boys nei ‘bad name’ diya hua hai…toh woh kya ghalat kar rahay hein and what is special about Awais…What is the best thing about Awais that these other boys don’t have?
A: Doosray larkoun neh jo ‘bad’ diya hua hai? Kya diya hua hai? 
K: Aap keh rahey thay na keh Pakistan ki image ko improve karna chah rahey ho aur like to show the world that we are also ‘lovely.’ Toh jun logoun neh jin Pakistaniyoun ki waja seh bad image hua wa hai toh what are they doing wrong aur aap mei kya best cheez hai jo aap uss ko overcome kar rahey ho?
A: Yaar mei yeh nahi kehta keh ‘I am the best’ but I am trying my best. Mei yeh kehna chahta huun keh mei neh aisay logoun ko dekhaa hai joh keh doosray mulkoun mei jaa keh woh samajhtay hein keh hummay koi nahi daikh raha and you can do anything over here right? They should understand that they are human being as well, that they got (a) mind as well. They think that they speak English and they don’t know what to thinking right? To be a Pakistani, since we are different we can do anything wrong over here and they would understand right? Yeh sub seh bari unn keh dimagh mei ghalat baat hai keh doosra yeh nahi samajhta keh who ghalat kaam bhee kar sakta hai. And girls are the ones, they treat them bad and they touch them on the wrong way and they follow them around…Woh Pakistan ko wahaan peh jaa keh is tarah seh keh wahaan ki larkiyoun mei woh samajhtay hein keh ‘gori’ it means like a bad girl right? ‘Gori’ ka yeh mutlub nahi keh woh larki buri hai…‘gori’ being a ‘gori’ is a Caucasian race right? Toh who logh sochtay hein keh hum Pakistan seh aaey hein aur hum yehaan peh aakeh kuch bhee kareingay toh yeh toh ‘goriyan’ hein yeh toh mind nahi karingay…They wouldn’t mind. But they should understand that they are human beings, they got minds, they got eyes, they can understand right? Iss waja seh Pakistan ka bad image banaa hai unn larkiyoun mei, iss liey mei Awais Lovely keh naam seh, being a Pakistani, unn keh behalf peh prove karna chahta huun keh we are really different and five fingers are not equal.
Voice-0005
K: Awais toh yeh bataiey keh aap ki aik jo normal youtube video hoti hai, toh woh kaisay shurooh hoti hai uss ka idea kaun laata hai, shoot kaun karta hai, edit kaun karta hai?
A: Jee bhaee, iss ko altogether mei karta huun, apnay mind seh. Mujhay bhee nahi samajh mei aata keh yeh aur kisi cheez hai mei baithay baithay soch layta huun keh video how should be. Toh meray dimagh mei baithay baithay, mei kisi seh baat kar raha hota huun na toh mujhay pata chul jaata hai keh iss tarah ki aik video bunn sakti hai. Toh ussi time mei meray bhai mei ?? charh jata hai, mei uss waqt boltna nahi huun, thori dair keh baad mein jub yeh baat karta huun toh uss waqt sirf?? meray paas aik hissa hota hai, thora sa normal sa ?? uss seh aagay mei kuch aur sochta huun toh mujhay naey (new) seh naey idea aajatay hein…Round about ten and fifteen minutes meh mei (I) soch laita huun keh kis tarhaan ki video honi chaheay.
K: Acha aur jo gaana aata hai, meray khayaal mei aap ka bhai cameraman ka kaam karta hai toh aap uss ko instructions daitay ho? Kaisay kartay ho?
A: Jee bhai uss ko instructions mei daita huun, song bhee mei choose karta huun, phir mei video jis traffic?? peh hoti hai uss seh mei usska song choose karta huun, uss koh phir mei apnay bhaiyoun seh format karwa keh, editing karwata huun, keh yaar aap iss ki tayaari?? kar doh kyunkeh iss mei convert kar keh phir who attach kartay hein. Laikin meray bhaiyoun ko mei batata huun keh ‘abay side seh shoot karo phir buhat acha view aaey ga’ MashAllah they are very intelligent like me.
Voice-0006
K: So do your brothers ever feel like keh kabhi hamari bhee video banay?
(recorder: 6:36-6:47)A: No no, (UNCLEAR) One said but I denied that he do it…I am their eldest brother iss liey woh meri izzat kartay hain jub mei unn ko bolta huun keh baita mei jo kar raha huun aap nahi kar saktay…I am taking a lot of responsibility on my shoulders right, so nobody else can do it. Who phir nahi kartay, meri baat maantay hein 
K: Making these videos, being Awais Lovely aap keh rahey ho keh yeh buhat bari zimmaydari hai…Kya zimmaydari hai jo aap ki nazr mei maybe your brothers can do wrong?
A: Because iss liey keh iss world mei….This world is full of ‘haters’ and ‘lovers’ right? Iss dunya mei achay logh bhee hein aur buray logh bhee hein, toh mei nahi chahtaa keh…meray bhaiyoun ko koi ‘hater’… mei chahta huun keh agar mera koi ‘hater’ ho toh woh meray saath hee rahey…mei nahi chahta keh meray bhaiyoun peh kisi qism ki problem…I don’t want to show them to the world back there…its not right kyun keh meray saath buhat buhat (buray) qism keh comments bhee aatay hein, toh mujhay yeh sub kuch absorb/observe karna hota hai…So you need to get the balls  - of steel balls to show yourself like that on the front of camera/film/video.
K: Aap yeh bataein keh aap ki favourite video kaunsi hai aur kyun? Apni joh banai huey hain.
A: Bhai uss mei sub seh meri jo favourite video hai, woh hai:?? Jo uss keh song peh mei neh shoot kiya, Scotland Glasgow mei. Aur aik meh jiss meh mei apni body dikha raha huun, kyun keh I like to do exercise but mei neh chor diya hai…Toh uss meh sub seh meri achi video hai jo mujhay achi lagti hai bayshuk woh itni achi nahi hai laikin mujhay woh…mei neh who jaldi meh shoot ki is liey woh yeh hai keh woh song name??? joh mei neh Glasgow meh shoot ki…Glasgow Scotland meh shoot ki who video – uss meh puri meri life hai. Mei yehaan she jub gaya tha, kyun keh wahaan ja keh mei apni family ko miss kar raha tha, apnay culture ko miss kar raha tha, apnay business ko miss kar raha tha, apnay country, apny logoun ko…I am walking alone in the garden on the lawn way and I am missing all those things happening in Pakistan right now joh ghar meh mei sub miss kar raha tha.
Voice-0007
K: Internet peh aik image hai Awais ki, aur aik real bundaa baitha hai Pakistan meh Awais. Toh internet peh jo AwaisLovely hai aur reality meh jo Awais hai, unn donoun meh kitna farq hai?
A: Yeh ub donoun jo image hein woh meray hee hein ya kisi doosray ka hai?
K: Nahi nahi. Aap jo apnay ‘khud’ ko mehsoor kartay ho aur ‘image’ ko mehsoor kartay ho unn meh kitna farq hai
A: Uss meh zyaada she zyaada dus (10% to 20%) seh bees percent farq toh ho gaa uss seh zyaada nahi. Jo mei youtube videos meh huun I hope keh mei itna achaa reality mein huun. Mujay aisa lagta hai keh jo youtube seh logh mujhay ‘hating’ kartay hein, achaa nahi samajh tay, unn logoun ko mei chahta ho keh mei personally [voice lost] woh mujhay bura samjhtay thay magar jab who mujh say khud mile Glasgow main toh woh mere bahut baray fan ban gaye. 
Voice-0008:
K: Yaani ke youtube main bhi best possible image nahi aati, jo suchayee hoti hai?
A: Woh aisa hai keh woh meri hobby hai. Reality main  jab aap mujh say milo gay I’m a different Awais, Mashallah aap mujh main aur bhi kafi saari cheez dekho gai. Kyun ke youtube per main apne eye contact, apne emotion, apni har cheez feel nahi karwa sakta. Lekin jab aap mere samnay baitho gay, jab personally sub kuch practically dekho gay feel ker rahay ho gay tab aap mujhe achi tarah say jaan sako gay. Lekin mein yeh challenge se keh sakta huun inshallah keh jo larka aap youtube per dekh rahay ho Awais mein reality mein uss se bhi acha ho sakta huun Inshallah. 
K: Inshallah. Acha mujhe yeh bataein Awais keh aap ka ek fan hei jo aap ko sirf youtube video say janta hai, aur jo kuch bhi dekha hai to woh kya agar asli Awais ko mile ga to koi different banday se mil raha hoga, ya almost same banda ho ga ya uss se bhi behtar ho ga?
A: Mujhe jo umeed hai woh yeh hai keh uss se bhi behtar hoga. 
Voice-0009:
K: Awais acha mujhe yeh bataoo keh agar app per koi movie banana chahe Bollywood main, to kiss actor ko aap chahein gay keh woh Awais ke part play keray?
A: Male actors mein se?
K: Haan haan
A: Ji mein chahoon ga – Shahrukh Khan. 
K: Kyun?
A: Kyun keh, I’m one of his big fans, kyun ke main, mujhe aisa lagta hai keh, kuch percent mujhe apni cheezain Shahrukh Khan jaisi lagti hain, main yeh nahi kehta keh mein Shahrukh Khan huun ya mein koi big celebrity huun, lekin, mein, ek hota hai na ke insan kisi ko dekh ke sochta hai keh yaar yeh meri tarah lagta hai. Theek hai. Mein apni side se sochta huun keh Shahrukh Khan mein kuch aisee baatein hain jo meri tarah woh sochta hai keh woh bahut neechay se upar gaya hai, aur us keh ander kafi saari different cheezain hain aur woh bahut practical larka hai, aur bahut uss ne hard working ki hai life mein, naam kamaya hai, aur aaj bahut established star hai dunya mein…
[Awais later messaged me to ask me to change his choice for the star to play him from Shahrukh Khan to Imraan Hashmi]
K: Acha Awais yeh batao keh aap yeh youtube per video bana rahe ho theek hai, aaj se duss saal pehle youtube waghera bilkul nahi tha, theek hai, to kuch log matlab yeh bhi sochte huun gay keh humari generation jo hai, jo internet pay itna hoti hai woh samjhte huun gay keh yeh ghalat ker rehay hain, ya matlab yeh kya cheez hai ke koi ek doosray se banda zaati taur pe mil nahi raha hai, mafar tab bhi uss ke paas itne fan bhi aa rahay hain, haters bhi aa rahe hain, tou matlab agar jaise aap keh walid walidayn poonche, ya koi burra poonche to aap ussay kaisay explain kerain gay?
A: Main uss ko iss ka bahut acha image dekhata huun, mein uss ko yeh batata huun halankeh mujhe apni family mein problem hui hai iss wajah se, lekin families hoti hain na, rishte jo hote hain, woh iss hi liye hotein hai keh woh aap ke saath contact rakhte hain. Aap ke apnay aap ko samajh bhi jaatein hain. Aap un ko ghussay say bhi samjha sakte ho pyaar se bhi kyun ke they are your own right? Doosroon ki baat yeh hai mei un ko yeh misaal deta huun keh yeh jukha hua pair (tree) hai na, pathar bhi uss hi ko maarte hain jo jhuka hua pair hota hai, [voice lost] aur phir mei ne un ko yeh bola keh yaar abhi mere saath kaante hain, jab us par phool ugay ga na – phool ke saath kaante bhi hote hain – lekin ek waqt aaye ga jab mein ek level per pahunch jaaon ga, aur yeh saare haters jo hain jo mujhe like nahi kertay keh yaar yeh kya ker raha hai, jiss din mei phool pe pahunch jaaon ga, yehi log mujhe pasand kerain gay, yaar WOW larke ne kamala ker diya hai. Yaar kahan se start hua tha, kahan pahunch gaya hai woh kyunke every celebrity has this kind of sadful painful story behind it, behind its personal life. 
Voice-0010:
K: Bahut khoob baat. Acha aap ne suna hi hoga keh aap ka twitter pe ek fake account bhi bana tha, theek hai, facebook pay fake accounts thay, aap keh khayal mein log aap ke fake accounts kyun banana chahte hain?
A: Woh mei ne jo aap se thori der pehle baat ki hai last mein, keh ek waqt tha log kehte thay keh yaar yeh pagal hai, videos banata hai, yeh kya hai iss ka? Aaj ek waqt hai ke log mujhe Mashallah agar youtube pay 50 log mujhe dislike kerte hain, toh 150 log mujhe like kerte hain. Mei, mei sochta hu keh ek samandar mein se ek baalti nikal do na, toh samandar ko koi farq nahi parta. Toh woh jo 50 log hain na haters, woh baalti paani ki tarah nikal keh mei ne pekh diyain hain. Jo 100 log hai na un se mein bahut pyaar kerta huun, woh mera samander hai. Toh yeh baat hai keh jo hai na log mujhe copy ker ke, kyun ke mein ub status ho gaya huun, Mashallah kafi dunya mujhe jaanit hai jaise aap mujhe call ker rahain hain, mera interview le rahein hain, saari dunya jaanti hai keh Awais Mashallah ek naam bun gaya hai, toh log mera naam us ker ke larkiyon ko impress kerna chahtay hain, kyunke girls are really attracted to me right now and before when I got noticed on the youtube as well, lekin yeh baat hai keh log mera naam use kerna chahte hain. 
K: Acha tell me why do girls find you so attractive?
A: I don’t know. Lot of people ask me for that but bro I think this is God gifted thing, that’s why I was on the youtube because people used to say me that you are really attractive, so handsome Mashallah, kyunke Allah ka shukar hai mei ne kabhi comment nahi kiya lekin people used to say me you’re a cute, aur mere ander yeh cheez logo se hi paida hui aur mujhe khud bhi lagta tha keh mei kuch ker sakta huun, lekin yeh jo cheez hoti hai na larkiyon waali baat, yeh insaan ke ander hoti hai I was born like that. 
K: Acha yaani keh koi aur issay, is skill ko develop kerna chahe toh woh nahi ker sakta?
A: Nahi ker sakta hai, yeh God gifted hoti hai. Log yeh poochte hain [voice lost] keh apni personality kharab na kero, kyunke agar aap doosron ko copy kerain toh aap ki apni bhi personality kharaab ho sakti hai. Toh mei chahta huun ke be natural, and be practical to the girls, and maybe she’s a, she will get in touch from you. 
K: Very good advice. 
Voice-0011:
K: Acha aap ek Pakistan ke chotay sheher say ho, jo zyada barre mashoor sheher hain Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad – maybe – toh un se matlab usually humari celebrities aati hain, aap ek chotay sheher say aa rahe ho matlab kya aap ke khayal mei aap ki outlook thori different hai, kya chote shehro ka, matlab Pakistan mei naye tareeke se dekhna chahiye?
A: Mei sochta huun ke bhaiyee koi chota barra nahi hota kyunke koyla kahan, diamond kahan milta hai? Koylay mein milta hai. Theek hai, heera aap dhoondne jaate ho to paharoo mei. Mei ek jeweller huun, mei ek sunaar huun, I have a gold jewelry shop I spend my time there, mein Mashallah ek businessman huun aur ek Pakistani jeweller huun mei. Toh mein yeh sochta huun keh heera koi bhi [voice lost] woh aap ko koylay se milta hai. Kyunke koi bhi cheez jo hai na barri choti nahi hoti, koi kaheen se bhi aa keh chaa sakta hai. Cos everybody got talent, everybody got quality aur kuch nahi pata hota yeh sab se barri baat muqaddar ki hoti hai, kaun kahan se aa ker kahaan chala jata hai, ek larki America mei bhaiti hai, aap Pakistan mei bhaite hain, aap dono ka pata nahi hota keh shaadi America mei bhi ho gee lekin achanak se koi aata hai woh bolta hai ek larki hai woh achi hai, woh America mei hai, kya aap un se shaadi kerna chahte hain, aap ke ghar wale chahtay hain woh bolte hain haan theek hai. Ab ek United States of America 20, 30 thousand miles away from here, aap wahan jaa keh shaadi kerte ho [voice lost]
K: Hello? Hello?
A: Jee, aap sun rahe hain na?
K: Acha yeh batao keh Inshallah shaadhi waghera ho jaye uss ke baad bhi aap continue kerna chahe gain apna youtube account?
A: Filhaal mein shaadi abhi nahi ker sakta kyun keh abhi I want to have my bachelor life for a long time, aur Inshallah mei shaadi keh baad bhi sochoon ga – lekin agar shaadi ke baad mein ne videos banayee bhi tou mei kuch achi [voice lost] uss ke bare mei mein ne abhi socha nahi like kyun ke jab meri shaadi hogi phir mein sochoon ga mera mind kaisa hai ab mei kiss mind ka hogaya huun, kyuun ke man change you know, a person changes after marriage or something like that 
K: Fair enough. Awais yeh batao keh abhi Pakistan mei different qissam ke log hain jo bolte hain keh yeh sab video gaana waana yeh sab kissam ki cheezain ghalat hain. Is ski wajah se Pakistan kharaab ho raha hai, girls or boys ki talking ki wajah se kharaab ho raha hai. Iss ke bare mein kya khayal hain aap ke?
Voice 0012:
A: Agar aap kiss bhi ghalat cheez ko sahih cheez mei laa ker uss ko represent ker rahe ho to uss mein ghalat nahi hai. Dekhain ghalat dekhna ho to bahut kuch ghalat hai, phir to hum uthte baithte kitna ghalat kuch kerte hain agar is tarah kuch dekhe toh. Ek cheez ghalat hai toh mei uss ko sahih nahi kehta lekin agar itna sahih hai to phir yeh sab kyun hai? Agar ghalat hi tha, tou phir sab kuch kyun hai, kyun yeh songs barrh rahe hain, kyun yeh gaariyon mei systems hain, kyun yeh cinema systems hain, kyun videos hain, phir toh sab kuch socho na, phir aap kya sochne baitho gay toh yahan samander ban jaye ga soch ka yahan aap ko kuch nahi milay ga jiss ka koi kinara nahi hai.
K: Toh abhi jo log, matlab hamare mulk mei dehshat-gardee waghera hai, log matlab qatl-o-gharat ker rahe hain, just to get their point across, what would you say to them?
A: Brother un ke liye toh yehi hai keh un ko sab se pehle toh Allah se darna chahiye kyun ke that’s why mei kuch different kerne ki koshish ker raha huun, kyuun ke humare Pakistan ka, kyuun ke dekho I was born in Pakistan, right, yeh humari identity hai, Pakistan, agar, kyun keh mei ne pardes mei reh kar mei ne bahut kuch dekha hai aur mujhe apne mulk se pyaar hai this is my home cuntry right, toh mei nahin chahta keh, mein kuch aisa ker ke dekhana chahta tha keh sirf doosre logoon ko foreigners ko, mujhe Pakistan mei kuch show kerne ki zaroorat nahi hai kyun ke yahan pe already sab ek doosre ko jaante hain, lekin mei, I want to show my culture, to the people of the States and out of Pakistan right, dekho hum log bhi apni sarkoon pay drive kerte hain, humari larkiyan bhi drive kerti hain, azaad hain, toh woh log sochte hain keh humari larkiyon ne humein dubaya hua hai, hum log yeh hain, hum log waise hain, gaariyon mei koi shopping kerne nahi jaa sakta bomb blast ho jata hai, mein un ko yeh dikhana chah raha huun keh “dekho I am driving on the road, a lonely, making videos, and you can see the roads, and you can see the development over here and I’m a Paki guy who making videos, I can dance better than yours people like, mei aap keh logo se bhi acha dance ker sakta huun, mein aap ke logo se bhi, I can [voice lost]
Voice 0013:
K: 
K: 
A: Scotland mei ek dafa mein ek disco mei gaya. Waha disco mei mein ne dance kiya tou a lot of girls did like me and they came up to me and they just crowd me and I was in the middle and they were just flashing me and snatching my body… two guys were behind me and they were just getting jealous unho ne ja keh DJ ko bola keh aap song ko change kero hum iss larke ko challenge kerna chahte hain dance mein. Pehlo unho ne aa ke mujhe bola ‘will you accept my challenge’ mein ne bola ‘yeah’ uss ne bola ke hum dance kerain ge, aur dekhte hain kaun jeet-tta hai. There were two guys dancing on the floor and I did alone myself and I just lose them in 50 seconds and all the girls and the guys clapped for me and they all asked me where are you from and I said I am from Pakistan, I am the guy from Pakistan, I challenge you over here and you LOSE from a Pakistani. 
K: Bahut khoob. Un ka kya response tha?
A: They were just looking at me they were just ‘Oh my God’ yeh iss tarah ker ke who chale gaye they were ‘wordless’ wo-h kuch nahi bole unho ne drink pakri aur ja ke apni table per baith gaye. They were just confused, wo-h confused they…
Voice - 0014:
K: Speaking of confused, what do you think about Pakistanis who are elites…Are they confused?
A: Yes mei sochta huun keh they are confused they Paki-born-confused-Americans. Wo-h sochte hein keh hum Pakistani mei peyda hueay hain magar hum Americans hain. Mei chahta huun, mei poonchta huun keh aap Pakistan mei rahe ho, aap apna style rekho american yeh koi baat nahi hai, yeh sochna koi buri baat nahi hai, lekin overacting mat kero. Yeh mat show kero keh yaar, mei jo hai na Pakistan mei paida hua huun magar mei pata nahi kya huun. Mei matlab phutt gaya huun, mei special huun. Yeh nahi kehna chahiye, we love our country, mei ne aap ne dekha ho ga meri video mei keh I’m proud to be a paki and I’m proud to be a desi. Theek hai? Overacting kabhi nahi kerni chahiye jab bhi aap overacting kero ge aap confuse jo jao gay. Phir samne wala [voice lost] wo-h aap ko parh le ga keh yeh overacting ker raha hai, yeh jo nahi hai yeh who dikha raha hai apne aap ko. Tou wahan pe humari youth jo hai no who confuse ho jati hai. [voice lost] aap samajh rahe hai na meri baat ko? 
K: Awais Pakistani cricket team mei kaunsa banda hai jo sab se zyada aap ki tarah hai, jiss se aap identify kerte ho?
A: Mei personally agar kisi ko like kerta huun to wo-h hain Shahid Afridi. 
K: Acha kyun?
A: Kyun ke he’s attractive, he’s like a, mujhe uss mei, he’s a faster, and he’s a fashionable, aur mujhe jo hei na uss tarah kei fast log pasand hain, he’s very fast as well … he looks very cute aur style hai uss ka who jab kisi ko bowled kerta hai uss ka ek stle hai baat kerne ka style hai, he has a big personality as well aur mei personality walay bando ko bahut like kerta huun, aur Mashallah meri ek aadat hai keh jo personality wala [voice lost] lekin mei waisay bata raha huun keh koi acha insane hai, jis ki personality achi hai mei uss ko like kerta huun us say baat kerta huun like kerta huun usse. 
Voice 0015:
K: Acha if you had to give a message to your fans, people who want to be like Awais Lovely, tou aap un ko kya kaho ge un ko kya advice do gey?
A: Yeh tou bahut complicated question hai iss ko mei kya boloun? Mei iss ko sirf iss pey yeh bol sakta huun keh mei apne fans ko, mei chahta huun keh, mei yehi kehna chahta huun apne fans se I’m nothing. I’m a normal guy, keh mei ek normal guy huun, wo-h ek awais ko apne ander dekh sakte hain. Awais jab you tube pe nahi tha, mei un ko yeh batana chahta huun keh jab Awais you tube pe nahi tha, they didn’t know me, wo-h nahi jante they keh Awais kaun hai, iss liye try to do something that you become your personality, and somebody you’d like to see, who’d like to be themselves, tou mei chahta huun keh apne aap ko iss tarah banao keh doosra bhi kehe keh yaar, wo-h bhi ek personality bun jayein aur wo-h bolain keh yaar, kal ko doosra bole keh yaar mei iss ki tarah bunna chahta huun. Awais is a lovely guy and he’s a casual guy aur meri personality is got to me by God, jo ke cheat nahi ho sakti jo by birth mere under aayi hui hai, aur uss ko copy ker ke kabhi bhi apni personality ko kharab mutt kerain. They love me I love them.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Stabbing Lions in the Skull is the path to Salvation

look at this picture.

no really, take a look at it.

are you suppressing a giggle, or perhaps recalling the awesome article on cracked.com that showcased this once?

this picture, and i am not mincing my words here, explains why the burqa/hijab and its politics are such a huge issue in our modern world.

no really, take a look at it, and you should see be able to see it.

still don't get it, do you?

let me tell you a story.

there used to be two tribes, one in the east and one in the west.

the men of both tribes would gather every day to perform their rituals. in the east, they would inhale gas. in the west, they would imbibe liquids.

the men of the east said that our faith is in something that can not be seen or measured readily, but can be felt. so our ritual centers around gas, because it is what exemplifies our faith.

the men of the west said that our faith is in something we can see and know and measure, so our rituals are based on liquids.

one day the men in the east realised that the tribes of the west had built big buildings and fancy roads and phones you could touch instead of tap, and it made them very upset.

some of them thought, hey, why not give this liquid idea a try. so with heads filled with up with gases they started to give this liquid thing a shot

but other men of the east got really pissed, so pissed that they started filling themselves up with gas until they blew up. they didn't realise that they were in on the liquid too, because their denial was so powerful.

interestingly, the women of the east had no choice on the matter but to keep up the rituals that had always existed.

one year the tribe in the west started running out of its liquid, and suddenly there was great commotion and despair. some of them shouted that the men in the east had probably finished off all their liquid, siphoning it into their dirty gaseous minds. all hell broke lose, as the tribe vowed to get their liquid back, and to make sure that no gas-guzzling easterner would ever get to sip any liquid until they provided permission.

cue chaos and confusion.

cue, this picture.
why do i keep returning here? well, i had seen this image a few times on the web, and my reactions had ranged from the incredulity of being confronted with pakistanica, to embarrasment at our tackiness, to titlation based on my desire to feel different. but i'd never quite understood it.

then, i visited the british museum, and suddenly i saw this, and it floored me.

to be honest, i actually saw a version of this image where the king was actually stabbing the lion through the skull with a dagger, but even here, you can make out the fight with the lion resulting in a stab wound for the beast.

suddenly, as cracked.com would say, something punched my brain in the face. the sultan rahi poster was not some example of deranged pakistani violence fantasies, or the poster that hate mailers send to PETA.
it made a very strong and obvious point - this image is of a hero.
heroes in all mythologies kill lions to prove their valour. in one image, that poster tells me everything i need to know about who sultan rahi is, and the moral world he inhabits.

now, perhaps it seems like a huge leap to link the persepolis image with the pakistani one as either ends of a tradition, but i have reasons.

you may claim i am simply doing so to root this piece of faux-art onto a venerable tradition. you may even say that the reason i do so is to find a rooting in history for my country and its culture, which suffers from such absurd amnesias in definig its own past.

but i am doing it because it makes sense. it makes sense because of trucks.

truck art has become this symbol and motif of showcasing non-terrorist pakistan.

its this idea that 'we have culture too', although most people who use it do it to add some ethnic flavour to their own ideals. they do it without ever understanding it, but only showcasing it like a circus shows a bearded woman.

infact, if i may say so, truck art is the most exoticized pakistani object after mathira's body.

what makes things interesting is if you try and investiage why trucks in pakistan are decorated the way they are, you find something revelatory.

almost every aspect of truck art, from the way those giant d-shaped crowns are created, to the patterns and motifs inscribed, to the very idea of decoration itself, stems from traditions in islamic art.

essentially, artistic traditions organic to this area and region which have just morphed from buildings and canvases onto truck bodies.

which is why the sultan rahi poster itself fits in with the persian king - both of those are part of certain ideas and traditions.

what is worrying is that i had no idea about any of this.

and i'm not alone here.

we've all found ourselves in the position where we are unsure whether to take gulps of gas or shots of liquid. and by we, i don't mean western-boot licking liberals, i mean all the tribesmen of the east, because when you use a mobile phone to blow up the infidels, well you're using the products of liquid faith.

but as we rushed to bathe ourselve in liquid, we did not consider that perhaps liquid and gas could have a synthesis, or that gas may have something to say about liquid or vice versa. so eager were we to reap the benefits of liquid that we felt the best way forward was to pretend gas never existed.

which is why a 27 year old film graduate had no way of understanding the imagery of a local film, because that whole world view had been replaced a long time ago.

and unfortunately, while the men of the east gave up their traditional forms of dressing and their traditional occupations and thoughts, they could never really let go of the idea of tradition itself. they just reduced it to certain symbols that proved to themselves that they were still a gas.

and so, cue the hijab, cue halal kfc, cue men dressed in jeans and working in investment banks who feel that women who don't cover up are asking to be raped.

in this post 9/11 climate of mosques floating upon grounds of zero and sikhs being thrashed for their turbans and newspaper comics becoming nuclear bombs, we find ourselves in an odd position.

the west doesn't 'hate' us, it just doesn't get us.

and they don't get us because we don't get ourselves. the reason we don't get ourselves is because we don't know what was ours to begin with. like this image.
i'm not trying to make this a pedantic debate about islam and the west, or the perils of modernity, and i am certainly not advocating a return to the stone ages.

what i am trying to say, is that when you and i don't know what sultan rahi is doing stabbing two lions in the head, its not because we were never interested in that lollywood crap to begin with, but because we have no clue how to decode and interpret the symbols that are organic to us.

because somewhere in the past few centuries, we oscillated between trying to buy into modernity and trying to retain our own identity. and in doing so, we made the disastrous decision to ape the liquid drinkers in the areas we needed to, and spurn their logic when their ideas meant our own privilieges would be threatened. that meant that our own traditions and logic and worldviews literally vanished in thin air, leaving us gasping for breath.

and in today's world, where suddenly all of us - from the talib in swat to the student in swarthmore, are finding ourselves like the kawa with the peacock feathers, we have no idea where to turn and what to look at. because what we see, we don't understand.

and if we can't understand our own selves out, no amount of development funds, sympathetic op-eds, well meaning NGOs and facebook protests can save us from our self-inflicted destruction.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Omniblogus - Part One

It begins, like they all do, with 1992.
I had recently moved into a new neighborhood. It was my summer vacations. I didn't know anyone there. So in the afternoon, i went out on the street. There was a game of cricket in progress. My uncle asked the older boys to let me play. i was wearing a replica of the shirt worn by the pakistan team in the world cup earlier that year. i was nine. they asked me to field at third man, and called me world cup.
my cricket playing career moved little further throughout the rest of my life - no one needed to know my name, no one wanted me in their side, and i was always at third man.

i couldn't hope to bat; a fact i blame it on whoever taught me how to bat when i was really young. as a left hander the right handed grip imposed upon me meant that i was forever trapped being a leg-pay-lapparroo type rightie rather than a cover-drive-smoking leftie.

as for bowling, let's just say that most batsmen i got out would say 'i didn't realise it would get to me so slowly...' the people to blame here are wasim and waqar, since because of them i was obsessed with being a fast bowler. unfortunately if i couldn't bowl - for some inexplicable reason - anything which could be classified as fast. i would have had the sense to see that and move onto something new if those two hadn't made being a fast bowler such an essential aspect of being a badass.
i realised the only talent i had was at sledging, and being a crooked umpire.
i also realised - which you may also be able to after reading the above excuses - that like every pakistani, i was prone to blaming every personal problem on nefarious forces beyond the realm of my control.
the sad truth was that i could never ever play cricket.

but that didn't mean i couldn't love it.
i was part of a generation - a generation that first tasted cricket on that wondrous world cup of 1992. it was like watching irreversible, the ending of the movie came at the beginning. my first taste of cricket was at the top. inevitably, the only way to go was down.
but of course, pakistan being pakistan, the journey went down, but it went every where else in between as well.

bitch slapping the poms with the 'dark art',

the ball refusing to scrape through symcox's stumps in faisalabad,
the first time i kissed a man (saeed anwar on the tv screen following that innings)

all out to kumble,
invincible in sharjah

watching the ultimate houdini by razzaq,


and grounds in nairobi becoming part of folklore...

then, a seminal event took place.

in 1999 world cup, pakistan looked set to conquer the world. the loss to bangladesh meant that we had even satisfied the bookies' hunger.

but then the world came crashing down.

the narrative of pakistani cricket changed course. in ancient times, entire civilizations would die out if a river changed course. now, pakistan too, became to transform.
slowly, but surely, pakistan began to change.

it has often been argued that the pakistani identity - surely one of the most fraught concepts of contemporary times - is best crystallized in the game of cricket, and embodied by the cricket team.
that identity was rapidly coming under threat.

[End of Part One]

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Politics of Dance


Last year in Lahore, there was a running battle between the courts and the moral police in an attempt to ban dancing on stage. It was one of the first battles in a steadily intensifying culture war, which would later rear its head during the Shanakhhat festival, as well as the banning of Naseebo lal.

I had done this report back then...

Monday, February 23, 2009

A Case of Exploding Aaloos or "What do they know of Pakistan, who only Pakistan know?"

This post is long. It's also kick ass. Relax and enjoy it.

So there i was, enjoying a feisty comments-debate (on a blog i gave props to in my last post, so i'm not going to do so again. i'm very much like this) when suddenly, it felt like an intense deja vu.

it was something that has happened so often during the past year i have been an active participant in the blogosphere that i wonder if i should even partake in it any more.

it goes something like this - a blogger puts forth the idea that the country should be democratic, it should be modernized, it should have peace with its neighbors, it should not be forever insecure, it should be secular.

that leads to much controversy, inevitably, because such an opinion OBVIOUSLY means forsaking our islamic identity, NECESSARILY implies that we become closer to the americans or the west and accept the superiority of the indians. it dictates that we lose our national sense of morality,
sell our women to be ravaged and ravished by uncircumcised RAW agents,
send our poor to be melted in vats of acid, collectively desecrate the memory of the Holy Prophet, start listening to "Stairway to Heaven" in reverse and believe that Ajit Agarkar was a good bowler.

In short, such an option for pakistan would mean that we would become the most despicable excuses for humanity possible.

you also notice that the people who draw such conclusions at even the slightest hint that pakistan should be anything other than mullah omer's wet dream
are people who are not living in pakistan. a majority of them are those who are living, working or have emigrated abroad. is this a huge generalization? perhaps...

now if we come back to the comment-debate i was talking about, the person in question was someone who indeed lives abroad. during two-month long vacations that he/she takes to pakistan on an annual basis, this person achieves the superhuman feat of empathizing, sympathizing, and most importantly, relating completely with the "average" pakistani. the "common" man.

doesn't it suck that someone like me who has never stayed in pakistan beyond a 2-month period would be more accepted by the general people than someone like you? doesn't it suck that if i went to chill with some of the poor at orphanages in balochistan or went to the villages im from in punjab or visited schools we've help build in kashmir that you, and not I, would be the obvious misfit?

let us discard for one moment the fact that such a person - the common man - doesn't exist beyond drawing room, and by extension, blogosphere conversations or celebrity op-ed contributions.
now these expat pakistanis feel that pakistanis from similar class/social status as themselves are becoming increasingly baysharam, bayhaya, that they have sold out the values and identity of the country and the nation, that they have committed sacrilege and blasphemy, that they have become traitors to the country as a whole.
when they combine this impression with the depressing social, economic and political news they read and watch about pakistan, they come to the conclusion that because of the actions of the "elite" that they encounter, the country is at its current impasse of being absolutely fucked up.

i'll put it in simpler terms - because the elites they meet are all fucked up, and the country they live in is all fucked up, it stands to reason that the former is responsible for the latter.
now, i'm not saying that the actions of the elites are not responsible for pakistan being bum-fuck crazy. but such a deterministic and ultimately simplistic argument never appealed to me. how can it be that 5% of a country half the population of Europe can be the sole purveyor of blame, while the rest of the 95% are idiots and simpletons who can not exert any control over their lives?

however, thinking like that leads one to the idea that pakistan somehow needs to be saved. can't argue with that. but the savior most people have in mind is either the magical cure of an islamic society, or the globally proven balm of constitutional democracy.

now i wrote to my vacationing in pakistan friend in the comment debate that one thing we must understand is that pakistanis as a people are a incredibly harami lot. i mean we are kanjars par extreme.

this sounded offensive to many, and i can see why. here is what my comment-debate friend had to say

"you clearly pity yourself and your absurd mentality that pakistan is a harami place is part of the problem. self-pity never helped anyone get anywhere and it wont help pakistan. if it is such a harami place incapable of changing, why are you there? or do you, as with most priveleged pakistanis, have a superiority complex and trust in your ability to thrive in a harami environment?"

now i replied to that with an intensely emotional response. this blog is a more rational take on things.


you see, there are a million reasons why pakistan is a harami place. i can go into all of them, but i would encourage readers to give their own examples in the comments section.

here is one reason that i think perfectly encapsulates pakistan's harami-ism.

back in the 90s, when relations with india were a lot more paranoid and closed-off than they are even now, post-Mumbai, cricket matches between the two countries used to be held solely on neutral locations.

for those who don't appreciate the place cricket holds in our hearts, you must understand that cricket in south asia is an extension of nationality, and even religion. for a lot of us, the cricket team is the only genuine thing about this country we can be regularly proud of, and it is also something that helps us punch above our weight. a pakistani cricketer can become a rock star, an intellectual, a prophet, an action hero, a pin-up model, a father figure and a sex symbol all rolled up into one.

the greatest batsman of our generation was inzamam-ul-haq, affectionately known as inzi.

although inzi's list of achievements can go on forever, his first act alone should reserve a god-like status for him for all eternity. if it wasn't for a 37-ball innings of daring genius by this man, we would have never been world champions. simple as that.

anyways, in 1997, pakistan and india were involved in a series in toronto known as the sahara cup. at one point during the second match, inzi - whose demeanor incorporated the zen-like calm of buddha with the laziness of a bored cow - rushed up to the stands with a bat in hand to assault a spectator.

what heinous and despicable acts was this brazen villain committing?

he was calling inzamam an "aaloo."


a potato.
that had been enough to upset the demeanor of a man who ferocious fast bowlers, wily spinners, sledging close in fielders, cheating umpires, vindictive journalists, brutal selectors and everyone in between had never even extracted a raised eye brow from.

so how would a cricket mad country treat one of its most revered stars, who had to face the unimaginable ignominy of being insulted by not just a spectator, but an indian supporting spectator, not just an indian fan, but a dirty, cow worshipping, piss drinking, Babri mosque destroying, Zionist collaborating Hindu?

the next time, and far as i can remember, through out the next 11 years of his glorious and exemplary career, inzamam would be welcomed to the batting crease by his own supporters, his own countrymen, his own people the exact same way.

they would welcome him with the chants of "AALOO, AALOO"

every single time.

please remember that cricket stadiums are overwhelmingly populated by the common man. please also remember that inzi's favourite hobby was rescuing the shame and izzat of the pakistani team over and over again. and finally, please remember that he was one of the kindest, softest, most lovable and huggable pakistanis alive. and yet, every time, every single fucking time -

aaloo, aaloo.

at a moment like that, confronted with a reality like that, how can you not come to the conclusion that your entire country is nothing else if not harami?

i mean, forget the drones based in our own country, forget supreme court stormers upholding the independence of the judiciary, forget claiming that gang-rape gets you canadian visas, forget everything else.

aaloo, aaloo.

Reverberating through the concrete wasteland of the NSK, bouncing off the arched roof of the Gaddhafi, echoing through the male-only stands of the Arbab Niaz - aaloo, aaloo.

but does that mean that pakistanis, and by extension pakistan, are to be hated, or looked down upon, or despised for their innate harami-ness? (harami translates into bastard)

two people helped me realise that this is not so.

the first was this man, my grandfather.


when i had grown up enough to realise that he was not just my nana, but a poet of stature, i would wonder why he chose patriotic poetry. i mean, where is the rebellion, the middle finger to the establishment?
by no means was all his poetry patriotic, but it was one of his central ideas. i wondered if he was just naive, what with his simplistic calls for love for the country.

as i learnt of him, his life through my family, i came to understand the eminence of the man, the trials and tribulations he withstood in the face of the stark reality of supporting a family, and the repeated betrayals of his country and his people. for him to not get jaded, to not let those things defeat him, to still be consumed by the passion of his ideals taught me that there is something worth loving in this god-forsaken land.

the second person is the woman i love.

she taught me a lot about our country, but her invaluable contribution was that she taught me how to love. she made me realise that you love something for what it is, not what you want it to be. that love is not about contentment, but continuous unrest. it breaks you down to build you up again. when we love, it is not out of convenience, not out of intellectual fulfillment, but rather out of need, out of desire, out of a compulsion to love.

"jaan"

for the simple understated necessity it employs,
for placing atop enviable heights,
yet familiar like dew bitten earth to the senses,
bare
embarrassing
vulnerability.

you can not love that which you cannot stand unless it changes. you can not love that whose identity you deny. you can not love what you do not understand. you can not love out of contempt, but through truth and through hope.

yes, pakistan may be harami. but whatever it is, and however i wish to see it change, this is the pakistan that i love.